


Of Mani and Men

by DirtyCavePainter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Funny, One Shot, Romance, Tricksters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-11-17 14:34:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18100430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyCavePainter/pseuds/DirtyCavePainter
Summary: Draco Malfoy has been pining after a girl who has hated him for years. Deciding to only brood over a girl that he can't have his best friend, Blaise Zabini, decides to take matters into his own hands. Blaise has a few tricks up his sleeves to bring the two together. Written for Riddikulus Fest 2019. One shot!





	Of Mani and Men

****Disclaimer:** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this creation.**

 

**Of Manis and Men**

 

A hand smacked a forehead, eyes were rolled, and a man breathed out in frustration.

 

“Come on Drake, I can’t listen to you whinge about this again. I’ve listened to it day in and day out for weeks. You have to grow a set and ask her out.”

 

A pair of grey eyes narrowed at the man. “Blaise, you know why I can’t do that. It’s impossible.”

 

“And why is that Drake huh? Because being a chickenshit isn’t stopping you.”

 

The elevator door opened and the two men dropped their expressions in favor of aloofness. Having emotions wasn’t something two men in their position could express at work.

 

The newest occupant looked towards Blaise and raised his brow, “Heard you had the Blimgey’s case. Rumor has it that his defense team is one of the strongest in the country.”

 

Blaise brushed a piece of invisible dirt off of his immaculate black suit, “Oh I’ve heard of his team, demolished them too. Simply nothing to worry about Klaus.”

 

The man nodded his head and muttered his agreement. The door opened again and the man stepped out.

 

Draco turned back to Blaise with his sneer firmly back into place, “You know how she must feel about me. Tormented her for years in school, was an utter prat, and I’m not even going to mention my family and involvement in the war.”

 

“Drake, mate. You guys have been amicable for a few years now. And now that she’s given Weasley the slip, you have your shot. Bloody take it mate ”

 

“Ah yes, but it hasn’t been that long has it? No one wants to be the rebound Blaise.”

 

“It’s been almost a year mate. Remember? We actually get along and talk unlike the antisocial prick I’m standing next to.’

 

“No matter how long its been, I know she would never say yes. She just...She just hasn’t seen me be...well not the hard ass that I am at work. I’m an auror for fuck sakes. It’s not like I can go prancing around in a fucking tutu with flowers in my hair proclaiming I’m a fucking softie. I end up being bloody meaner to her since I get too fucking nervous”

 

The elevator chimed and a female voice announced the floor as the doors slid open, “Floor 24, Department of Magical and Medical Research”

 

As the elevator doors fully slid open, the person who entered sent a panicked look to the blonde’s face.

 

Blaise inclined his head to the brunette, “Granger.”

 

The curly headed witch turned to the man, “Oh hello Blaise! Good luck on your upcoming case. I’m sure you’ll do well.”

 

The witch cut her eyes over to Draco, “Oh hello Malfoy.”

 

He inclined his head back in greeting and once the brunette had fully turned around to chat with Blaise he gestured to the witch’s back. He mouthed ‘See?’ The Italian rolled his eyes and chuckled. While the two caught up, Draco couldn’t help but admire the witch. She had really grown into her looks. Her hair was more wave than frizz and her frame had filled out into a most pleasing shape. Many men in the Ministry lusted after the witch, most of them just for looks. Draco, though, admired her brains and personality more than looks alone. She was finishing her healer residency and was already one of the chief researchers for the Department of Magical and Medical Research. That turned him on more than a simple pair of tits.

 

“Well here’s my floor. Goodbye Blaise! Malfoy.”

 

He watched the witch exit and as soon as the doors shut he turned to Blaise.

 

“See! She can’t stand me!”

 

“Oh come on Draco. You’ve never even given it a chance. You didn’t even say a proper hello! You need to put in some damn effort. She is a beautiful and smart witch. She isn’t going to just fall into your lap.”

 

Draco’s posture slumped, “I know Blaise. I know. She is just too good for me. You know it too. I don’t have a chance.”

 

“Cheer up mate. Maybe we can figure something out.”

 

“No Blaise. I’m just going to drop it. It’s a lost cause.”

 

Before Blaise could answer, a group of people entered the elevator preventing any other conversation. The crowd of people surrounded them until they were a few steps past  the apparation point.

 

“Drake, we still on for our Saturday appointment?”

 

The man nodded his head glumly, “Of course.”

 

Draco disappeared in a crack leaving Blaise by himself.

 

Blaise smiled to himself and thought, ‘She’ll never see you as not a hardass huh? We’ll see about that.’

 

**...............**

 

At last, Saturday. His relaxation day. The day that he said fuck the stresses in life. It was also his biweekly mani and pedi appointment with Blaise. How else would a man such as himself keep the reputation of being so well groomed. Salon de la Lune was a famous wizarding salon that catered to the more… prestigious of clients. They had a strict confidentiality policy which meant no one would find out about his and Blaise’s little guilty pleasure. Draco looked down at his nails in disgust. He was overdue for some maintenance. The usual shine was gone and the shape was becoming ragged instead on smooth.

 

“Lucy, would you bring me my Saturday clothes please.”

 

A small little house elf dressed in a pink fluffy dress popped into the room with a pile of folded clothes.

 

“Here being your outfit Master. Have a good time with Missers Blaisey. Be back for dinner.”

 

He smiled at the elf, “Of course Lucy. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

The elf smiled back at him and popped out of the room to give him privacy. Stripping off his robe, he donned what he liked to call his ultimate Saturday outfit. It featured grey sweatpants, a simple white shirt, and matching grey zip up jacket. Some muggle trainers completed his comfortable outfit. He didn’t even bother with hair gel on his leisure days. His white blonde hair fell over his eyes and was overall quite messy, but it was his day to be himself. He didn’t have to put on the face of Auror Malfoy, the hardass who took no shit.

 

He checked the time on his watch and congratulated himself. He wasn’t going to be late today for once, which on his ultimate Saturday’s was quite an accomplishment. He grabbed a handful of floo powder from the urn next to the fireplace and shouted his destination.

 

“Ah Mister Malfoy. How surprising that you are on time this week. But, of course we are ready for you.”

 

Stepping out of the fireplace, he winked at the woman behind the counter, “Oh Janet, miracles can happen.”

 

The woman glared back at him, “Right this way Mr. Malfoy. Your usual chair is waiting.”

 

He chuckled to himself. His and Janet’s relationship was a funny one. He brought a lot of business to the place, but she hated how late he could be on his lazy Saturdays. She gestured to his favorite massage chair and slipped his shoes and socks off. He sunk his feet into the warm water and immediately closed his eyes. He opened them with a snap and looked to his right. No Blaise yet, but he could have guessed that. Janet never had a problem with Blaise being late. That little smooth talking asshat. To his left was a witch reading a heavy thick book. Who ever would read while being pampered? Its lazy Saturday, you are supposed to be lazy!

 

Once again he shut his eyes and enjoyed the hot bubbles tickling his feet. He heard a tinkle of a giggle. Hmm. That giggle sound familiar. No matter. He was relaxing. He didn’t care of little giggles.

 

There it was again! That giggle was breaking up his relaxation. At the next giggle, he snapped his eyes open. The witch to his left was the source of the little annoying giggle. Can’t even take the foot scrub I see Ms. Little giggle. He huffed out a breath of exasperation and closed his eyes. He heard the thump of a book on the floor.

 

“Excuse me, I am trying to relax,” he exclaimed.

 

His eyes snapped open and looked his left. What… he couldn’t believe.

 

Hermione Granger was giggling furiously with her eyes locked shut, no doubt at the woman who was scrubbing her feet. Or was she laughing at him? He pushed himself into the back of the chair as much as possible. Maybe if he didn’t move, she wouldn’t see him. They can’t see without movement right? Or was that dinosaurs?  

 

“Oh my! Is that you Malfoy?”

 

Oh fuck. It was dinosaurs.

 

He steeled himself. He could do this. He wasn’t ashamed.

 

“Ah yes Granger. Fancy seeing you here.”

 

She shrugged her shoulder, “I never knew such a place existed in the wizarding world actually. Apparently I won a voucher at the office and it was already booked for today so I said why not.”

 

She smiled at him and winked, “Never took you for a man who got pedis Malfoy.”

 

He did his best to look stoic and unphased by what she said, but of course the woman tending to his feet had other ideas. He let out a small giggle as the woman scrub the bottom of his feet. He heard that little annoying laugh again to his left.

 

He turned and looked at the woman and in his best serious voice that he could manage with someone basically tickling him, “No one hears about this Granger.”

 

She pursed her lips at him, “Oh of course not Dracooo. I won’t let your little...can I say giggling secret out. Your secret is safe with me.”

 

Janet sidled up to him, “Oh Mister Malfoy, will you be making your brow appointment next Friday?”

 

He wanted to disappear. Actually disappear. Didn’t help that Granger was still chuckling softly to herself.

 

“Miss Granger, you are all ready for your manicure.”

 

“Bye Draco. See you at work. Have a nice rest of your appointment.”

 

And with that the witch left him, humiliated and not at all relaxed. How in the hell did she end up here? Here at all times! What a coincidence! Wait..was it a coincidence? What if it wasn’t? But who…

 

He spent the rest of his appointment pondering how Granger could have ended up going to a prestigious nail salon at the same time as him.

 

As he was paying, he asked Janet, “Did Blaise reschedule today? I’m afraid I haven’t heard from him today.”

 

Janet glared at him, “Mr. Zabini transferred his appointment to the young lady to the left of your usual chair. Said it was her birthday.”

 

Wait, but the woman to the left of him was Granger….

 

Wait a minute that means….

 

ZABINI!

 

**.............**

 

Blaise sat by a roaring fire in his favorite silk pajamas with a glass of the best firewhiskey money could buy in his hand. He had been sitting there smiling to himself since his bi weekly appointment with Draco had started. It really was a brilliant idea, he had to congratulate himself on that. He had simply owled the salon and ask for a voucher for Granger to take his spot, paid off a ministry worker to deliver it to Granger with a note, and then got to sit back and relax.

 

Draco was no doubt shitting himself. This was perfect.  

 

Blaise chuckled to himself, “Who says he isn’t vulnerable now huh?”

 

“Oh yeah Blaise? And maybe you’ll be nice and vulnerable when I send you to St. Mungo’s.”

 

“Ah Draco, finally here I see. And how was your appointment? Was it heartfelt? Did you feel...vulnerable.” He couldn’t quite suppress the shit-eating grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.

 

Draco sat down heavily in the armchair next to Blaise, “You’re an absolute wanker. You know that? I fucking giggled when I was getting my feet scrubbed. Giggled Blaise!”

 

Blaise smiled to himself, “And what did Granger say about this?”

 

“Fuck I don’t know Blaise. I told her not to say anything about it. I can’t have that coming out. How am I ever going to look at her ever again?”

 

Blaise pursed his lips at his friend, “Oh I’m sure you’ll look at her again.You can barely ever keep your eyes off of her.”

 

“You owe me Blaise. You owe me big time.”

 

“Sure I do. How about I take you to dinner next Wednesday. Let’s go to our usual spot. Remember when we did super casual hump day Wednesdays?”

 

Draco eyed him warily, “The taco place? You’ll get me a sopapilla after right?”

 

“Well of course I will mate. Your wish is my command.”

 

Draco grumbled, “You better you arse.”

 

Oh Draco would have his tacos alright, but it wouldn’t be with him.

 

**.............**

 

 

Oh he could fucking smell it already. Sweet, sweet tacos. He had hurriedly stripped off his suit and donned his favorite casual outfit, ripped up pair of dark jeans and a ratty _Weird Sisters_ band tee. He had of course washed the hard gel from his hair. He hated wearing his hair in the slicked back style, but he was Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy couldn’t have hair that looked like a blonde version of bloody Potter. Draco Malfoy wouldn’t be going to a little muggle Mexican restaurant in the back streets of London either.

 

But, of course casual Draco Malfoy did a number of things that the stuck up version himself would never be seen doing. This version of himself was his true self really. He liked himself like this. The asshole version was too much like his father, but he had to admit, he was more respected as an asshole.

 

As soon as he stepped him the restaurant, he was taken back to his usual secluded table. The owners loved that he tipped generously and ordered out often, so they gave him his own table away from the crowd that he and Blaise met at frequently.

 

He ordered his usual frozen margarita with his usual orange umbrella, because who doesn't love an alcoholic frozen slushie with tropical garnish?

 

“Right this way. Your table is right around this corner,” said a slightly accented voice.

 

Draco perked up. His table was the only one around this corner. Surely Blaise remembers where their table was.

 

“Oh, uh hi Malfoy. Fancy seeing you here.”

 

Draco sputtered on his frozen drink, “ Herm.. I mean Granger. What are you doing here?” He held his hand up, “Wait let me guess, you won another contest didn’t you?”

 

Granger sat down across from her, “It was attached to the nail voucher actually.”

 

Draco simmered, “Oh really now.”

 

Granger pointed to his drink and spoke to the waitress, “Oh I love those! I’ll have one too if you please!”

 

“Don’t you think it’s strange that we’ve been in the same place at the same time twice now. We are even sitting at the same table.”

 

Granger took a big sip of her drink and bit off a piece of the pineapple garnish, “Of course not! The only logical answer is that you’ve won vouchers as well.”

 

Draco sighed internally. They call that witch the brightest witch of her age do they?

 

“Sure, Granger, sure. That is the only logical answer.”

 

She smiled brightly at him, “I quite like this look on Malfoy. You look less like your father this way. It’s becoming on you.”

 

He fought hard to force himself to not turn red. That was one of the nicest things she had said to him.

 

“I..uh… have off days just like everyone else. But Granger, no one…”

 

She held up her hand, cutting him off, “ Yes, Yes. No one hears about this.” She waved her hand at the menu, “So what’s good?”

 

He studied her, she seemed genuine, “This place has the best street tacos in all of England.”

 

She beamed back at him and nodded her head, “I adore street tacos. I went traveling around South America last year. I fell in love with the cuisine.”

 

Merlin she was beautiful and smart and was extremely fit. She was simply the best the wizarding world had to offer in his opinion. And Malfoy’s always got the best. Too bad he was such an ignorant prick in school, believing in that stupid blood purity shit his parents fed him, or he could have pluck up the courage to ask her out years ago. Fucking Blaise. Just because they were having an okay time does not mean that Granger didn’t hate him. Which was more than likely the case.

 

The pair ordered their food and had a pleasant chat which was surprising to Draco. Hermione asked about what he did outside of the Ministry and he asked her the same. He was surprised to learn that she was apart of a magical archaeology team that went around different ancient wizarding cities. She had found multiple lost spells that were being implemented into the modern wizarding world.

 

“You see, this little man Nacho, not his actual name by the way, went around to the other wizards on the dig and convinced them that there was this plant that was fatal unless you ate this special insect. Turns out the insect was a cricket, a very alive cricket. The dig head Jen believed him and instructed us to do the same. Being the smart and well read witch I am, knew this was fake so I just acted like I did it. So just imagine this, 6 of the most respected wizarding archaeologists trying to to gag on a live cricket. Nacho never did tell them it was a joke either.”

 

Draco laughed so hard his side hurt. He could imagine Granger in the depths of the Peruvian jungle acting like she was eating a live cricket.

 

Sputtering he said, “Oh Merlin. Tell me they didn’t crunch when they ate them.”

 

Granger laughed, “Oh you know it. It was terrible.”

 

She glanced at her watch and gasped, “Oh I’m terribly sorry Draco. I have an appointment with an international contact in 30 minutes. I’ve simply lost track of the time. Today was lovely. Perhaps we should do this again?”

 

He nodded his head, dumbfounded at her suggestion to do this again. Surely that was only her being polite. Draco paid for the meal for the two of them. Granger had tried to refuse saying that she had a voucher, but he told her to save it for next time when she was by herself, the voucher had no expiration date luckily. He may have used the whole ‘I was terrible to you in school, it’s the very least I can do’ guilt trip. They both walked to the nearest alley to apparate to their respective locations. As he was stepping away from the entrance, Granger grabbed his arm.

 

“Thank you again Draco for the conversation. I had a great time”

 

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. She turned on the spot and with a pop she was gone.

 

Merlin. She had called him Draco, multiple times. And she had given him a kiss on the cheek. That was all polite right? Right!

 

He turned on the spot and popped into Blaise’s study. There he was the bastard himself sitting on that stupid armchair nursing a firewhiskey.

 

“Ah, I see you are back Draco. And how was your little date?”

 

“Little date? You complete arsehole. You preplanned this! You took my love for tacos and used it against me. You know I never say no to tacos.”

 

Blaise chuckled and swirled his drink, “Me? I would never do that. Well maybe I did, but I didn’t think you’d actually fall for it mate. You’re supposedly the King of the Snakes, not some clueless little Hufflepuff.”

 

Draco stared at him in disbelief, “Did you just call me a Hufflepuff. You dare call a Malfoy a Hufflepuff?! That’s like insulting my mother.”

 

“You are avoiding the question Draco. How was your date?”

 

Draco mumbled his reply and looked away.

 

“What was that?”

 

“It was fine. Okay. She called me Draco and she might have kissed my cheek.”

 

Blaise sputtered into his firewhiskey, “Alright! There's the little snake I know and love! You got a kiss out of the hottest Ministry employee, war heroine, and the brightest witch of her age.” *

 

“And what makes you think she wasn’t doing this out of politeness huh? That’s something Saint Granger would do. The girl would no doubt present perfect manners in front of Voldy himself if need be.”

 

“So what are you going to do about it? Going to grow a set and actually ask her on a date?”

 

Draco rolled his eyes, “We just went over this Blaise. She is being nice to be polite, not to flirt. This is Granger we are talking about. She hates my guts. She is not someone like Pansy who is only nice when she wants something from you. So no Blaise. I’m not going to do anything about it.”

 

“Fine Drake. Let her fall through your fingers. I can’t force you to do anything. Are we still on for our casual drinking Saturday?”

 

Draco squinted his eyes at the Italian, “Is this one of your little tricks?”

 

Blaise threw his head back and gave a hearty laugh, “Mate, we drink in your own house. Why are you paranoid?”

 

“Like you haven’t given me a reason to not be paranoid right Blaise?”

 

“Oh come on Drake. I would never do such a thing. It's our drinking day. I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”

 

“Alright, fine. You owe me some top notch firewhiskey or some of that Muggle beer you brought last time. I’m going to go contemplate my existence and brood a little bit as any good Malfoy does.”

 

Blaise waved to his friend as he disappeared with a pop. He wouldn’t miss drinking Saturday for the world huh? Yeah right. All he needed to do is to talk to the curly haired witch. She hated him huh? If only he knew.

 

**....................**

 

Finally it was Saturday. The long awaited day for pure relaxation. He was going to take a bubble bath with far too many bubbles. Maybe he would even do a nice deep condition. Normally today would have been the monthly massage and deep scrub, but Blaise had lost the privilege of his company for the time being. He had to endure Janet’s wrath without the Italian all by himself yesterday evening. Lucky Janet wasn’t the one massaging him. Not even a number of galleons could make up for his past transgressions. Well, he was used to that.

 

His bubble bath was divine. It was heavily scented with a finely milled soap that his mother had sent him from France. With his father all but dead in Azkaban and their marriage dissolved, his mother had retired to the chateau in France away from his father’s influence. She was so much happier. He expected the older companion she was fond of would perhaps start courting her soon. He would heartily give his blessing.

 

As he pulled on his ultimate Saturday relaxation day outfit, he pondered over his ‘date’ with Granger. Merlin he wished she didn’t hate him. He wanted to show her how changed he was, but he just didn’t know how. How can you take someone that hates you and make them like you? Its near impossible!

 

The old grandfather clock struck 6 o’clock and he sighed. Here goes another night with Blaise. The conversations is only to be on one thing. ‘Why haven’t you made a move Draco? Why don’t you go for it? Grow a set Drake.’ She hates me mate. She absolutely hates my guts. Don’t you get that you arse?

 

Lucy brought him a decanter and glass full of his best firewhiskey, well aged 47 years old. He swirled it around and took a sip. Maybe Blaise will actually keep his sauve mouth shut tonight. If he didn’t… well he would have to give him the not so well aged 20 year old instead. That would teach him.

 

A bell tinkled in the distance. Ah, yes. Blaise must be here. He steeled himself for the comments he was sure to here. Yet, he didn’t here the normal booted footsteps of his friend. Instead he heard the clicks of high heels on wood. He set his drink down and walked towards the sitting room.

 

“Granger?”

 

There she was. Her long curly hair was tumbling down her back and teasing the opening of her long black trench coat. Her toned legs ended in a pair of stilettos, which he knew were of a rather expensive muggle brand that was famous for their red soles.

 

“Draco.”

 

“Ummm. Can I help you?”

 

She looked at him and started to undo the buttons of her coat.

 

“Oh, I think you can.”

 

She slid the coat off her shoulders and let it fall down to the floor. He nearly fainted. She was clad in dark green lingerie that left nothing to the imagination. He felt himself grow hard simply from the sight.

 

“I don’t understand. Why…?”

 

She walked towards him slowly and full of purpose, “I know you’ve been in love with me Draco. Blaise told me, you know. When he set up that little rendezvous in the salon, I realized that I didn’t want to fight my attraction to you. Its true that I hated you for years, but this past year, I noticed a change in you. The salon and the taco shop showed me a side of you that I had hoped was there. But, you’re absolutely terrible at making a move, so I’m taking matters into my own hands.”

 

And she surely took the matter, well the one between his legs, into her hands. His knees threatened to buckle as she starting to rub his boner with her hand.

 

“But..I…”

 

She placed a finger on his lips, “Shhh, just kiss me.”

 

And he did just that.

 


End file.
